Wow!

OMG! I think I'm pregnant!

I'm not currently on any medicine to help me get pregnant. I had gone to the Dr. recently to discuss this but was waiting for my period to start to do another required test before beginning something new.

About two days after my period was supposed to start I decided to take a pregnancy test. I always thought I would wait at least a week after my period was late because I'm not always consistent with the start date. But something was just a little different this time.

It came back positive for being pregnant!!! :-)

I went to hubby, who was watching tv:
me: um, we need to talk
you: did I do something?
me: um, yeah you did.... I'm pregnant (showed hubby test)
you: really?

It's still unbelievable. I haven't been to my Dr. yet to confirm but I'm taking prenatal medicine. We finally had sex since the announcement and of course hubby said afterwards, "this won't hurt the baby right?" :-) no.

Brought it up..... again.

We were having a discussion about next year and things we should be doing, kind of a New Years Resolution thing. I don't really believe in those though. You mentioned that I should join a class of some sort, anything that I was interested in. I didn't really offer much on the subject.

Then I finally decided to offer something. I looked at you and said, "can I tell you the truth?"
You: uh oh
Me: the reason why I'm never interested in joining any classes or extra curricular activity is because I worry that anytime I'm away from the house for any extended period of time that you're visiting your girlfriends. So anytime I'm gone you're looking at them.
You: I just get bored. - a bit of silence - okay, maybe I should work on this.
Me (thinking to myself) sure, I've heard that one before.

Interestingly though you were at home the other day sick from work. Of course I checked when I got home. I didn't see anything. Of course this could be a short time away from them. When you get "bored" again, I'm sure you'll be back.

You f^cker

F^ck You! F^ck You! F^ck You! F^ck You! F^ck You! F^ck You! F^ck You! F^ck You! F^CK YOU!!!!

You are a mother f^cker.

Since you are going into work a little later than me you had some spare time to spend with your girlfriends. We had sex 3 times week before - I even let you f^ck me in the *ss one of those times. And we had sex 2 times last week. I guess just not good enough.

I did kind of bring it up to you.
Me: "you left one of your girlfriends websites up on your computer" (are you really gonna try and call me a liar?)
You: "oh, you checking up on me?"
Me: "nope, you left it up on your computer. I watched it a little and then closed it for you."
You: "what did you think?"
Me: "uuuuummmmm... yeah..."

OH! And as I'm out having another Dr appt to figure out how I can possibly concieve our first child your at home spending even more time with the girlfriends. I almost made you come with me out of fear you would do that. Your just a f^cker.

Maybe there is hope?

I've been doing some research on PCOS and getting pregnant. I've gone one route already with Metformin but that didn't pan out. I've read that Clomid is another really good option. And then I found out the other day of another real good possibility - it's called Femara. Evidently this is VERY new, so much so that everything I find about it talks about how its used for Breast Cancer. But I've talked to two ladies who have taken it and got pregnant immediately. That sounds so promising. I have an appointment with my OBGYN in early December so I will be bringing this up to her.

Go Figures

One day last week you got to come home early from work. For a few minutes while I was still at work I wondered.... will he? Then I thought, no we're doing good and he's not interested - really.

Well I was wrong. Granted you didn't do a lot of looking, but you did look. Thanks hubby - I love you.

We'll See

Well we had another try at it a couple of weeks ago. Of course I'll never waste my money on a pregnancy test until I've missed my period for about a week.

This is the first time in my life that I look forward to "that time of the month" cause I want to see if its not there.

How Nice

It seems that having your day shift back seems to have kept you away from your girlfriends. I hardly even check anymore and my stomach is no longer in knots just wondering what you are doing while I'm away. Let's hope this keeps up.

Last Day

Yesterday was your last day on your night assignment and now you are among the day working people again. I'm hoping that since you are no longer at home alone - bored - that the porn will stop. Of course now that you will little time to check it out you will take every opportunity that I'm gone for any extended period of time to take a look. You know - hair cuts, getting nails done etc.

I did again joke with you yesterday, "I guess this is the last day you will have alone with your girlfriends". Again you didn't find it funny.

I did check your History and its been cleared so I'm sure you did have a look one last time... hopefully it is the last time.

*sshole

Yep you are still an *sshole. I go out of town and I even joke about you staying away from your "girlfriends" and every day I was gone you went to visit them. I bet you couldn't wait till I stepped foot out the door so you could get on the computer. Even the last day before I came home you had a friend over and you had to kick him out of the house so you could have a little alone time before I got back. I'm sure when you called to see where I was it wasn't because you really cared it was because you wanted to know how much alone time you had.

You scold your best friend for being addicted to beer and his wife not liking it and telling him he needs to grow and change yet you can't? What a joke.

Karma

I call it karma. when you continue to look at the porn then I really don't feel bad when you have cramps in your legs and feet that keep you from sleeping. Sorry that's just kind of how I feel.

You did actually go about a week without looking. I even went about a week without checking up on you. Funny the day I decide to look is the day you actually looked. Huh.

And what did you look up? Strap On Galleries. You know, I would love to try different things in our relationship. I've even bought a couple of things and you don't like the idea. But yet you go look it up online. Granted I've never bought a strap on. I know damn well you would never let me f you with it but I know you really enjoy watching it.

nothing

That time of the month came where I determined I should be ovulating, I took the ovulating tests - just to be sure - and it never turned positive. I guess I skipped a month and now that's another full month gone for possibly being pregnant. Hubby keeps sprouting out names.

Failed!

Hubby has been really cute about this pregnancy thing. He keeps saying things like...

"How long before we know we're pregnant?"
"Sure is hard making a baby"
"Are we pregnant yet?"

He's even thinking up baby names. I think they're cute I just don't participate in the play. I guess I can't until I know for sure that we are pregnant and its a reality. I never played that game when I was little and all the girls did that.

And "lucky me" the cramps I was experiencing yesterday just reinforced that our 3 days in a row didn't work... I guess we'll have to try again!

3 days in a row! ! !

We've had discussions about getting pregnant. I've told you that there is only one time during each month that I'm capable of potentially conceiving. And I take an ovulation test to know for sure when it is. And if it shows positive we have 2-3 days that we need to have sex - AND you have to c^m inside me...

Well that time came and I was curious if you remembered what I had said. I mentioned I was positive and we needed to have sex for the next 3 days - Fri/Sat/Sun. Friday night I went to bed cause I was tired and you were up on your computer. I thought to myself "well I guess he's not that interested in trying for a kid". To my surprise when he came to bed he wanted to have sex.

I'd have to say that the sex we had those 3 nights in a row were really good. I guess maybe I felt it was a little different because it was kind of for a different purpose. You seemed to really enjoy it and take a little more time and pleasure with it. Or maybe its just me.

Anyway, I won't know yet for a few more weeks if it worked or not. I won't even try to take a test unless I'm a week late on period.

Still!

After 3 days of sex you have to go for the extra stuff. Immediately the Monday and Tuesday your looking at it. I mean come on... you just got laid 3 days in a row and you still have to go view the extra porn? I just don't get it.

I've done it

I've purchased my first wieght loss gimmack. I guess I'll see how it works.

As for the dermatologist? Since we're trying to conceive he is unable to give me a pill that can help from the inside out so I can only use prescribed cleaning wash and after wash gel.

blech

As I mentioned in an earlier post I have PCOS. A few of their side effects is acne and gaining weight and I was graced with getting both. Granted there is a nice long list of other things but with my already tarnished self image because hubby is looking at porn these two things don't help me.

I've got an appointment to see a dermatologist to help with the acne. And I've been working out to help shed some pounds. Starting to watch all my fat content in the things I eat. Its starting to get that I don't want to eat or eat very little. I want to find one of those quick diet pills. Looking into body rubs that help tighten the skin.

I am getting older so I should know that (and I do) I don't look like I'm in my 20's anymore. But again with hubby using key word searches on a daily basis for "young babes" it doesn't comfort me any.

kinda funny

It's kind of funny... but its not.

You got a virus on your computer. You said it was when you were trying to download a Batman/Joker wallpaper.

I think its karma for looking at all that porn.

out tonight

It's funny. You keep saying that you're gonna stop going out with your friends, especially one in particular, to have a beer. Reason? Because you can't just have one.

And I know this to not be true. You and I went out last night for a wonderful dinner and you had only ONE. You just choose not to stop and continue until the next thing you know you're trashed.

You wonder why I just laugh and roll my eyes when you say you're not drinking anymore or that you're going out with your friends but you're only gonna have a couple... well I do this because you haven't proven yourself true to your word... When you do this I will be grateful.

Not that you drink all the time like you used to but its just that when you do you go all out.

And since you're out with your friend now having a couple of brews we will not go out and do our other passion - watch a movie. I've told you before that if you go out on a Friday night to drink then we do not also go out to watch a movie. Its one or the other.

Giggle

I giggled to myself all day today. When I decided to use up some of your minutes last night I didn't realize how much I used up. I guess I was really into the video I was watching.


I kept thinking to myself all day "I wonder if you notice your minutes are missing?" And if you do there is no way in hell that you will confront me about it will you? I mean that would mean you having to confess that you lie to me... still watching porno and that you purchased it...


You are getting a little smarter since that note I gave you. You're starting to clear your history on your computer. You've done it two days in a row now. It will be a little harder to keep up and maybe that will be better for me. You're addicted to porn and I'm addicted to finding out if you have looked at it, what you looked at and how much.

Since you cleaned out your history today I don't know what else you looked at but I can tell that you looked at about 17 minutes of your paid stuff. You're down to about 10 minutes left so what will you do then? Are you going to risk buying more minutes or will you just let that lapse?

What an amazing man

We had our discussion about committment on Saturday and not two days later (Monday) you're back at it. Just amazing!

Last night I wrote you a letter and left it on your computer for this morning about how I appreciated what you said on Saturday that it meant alot to me even though I know that you don't agree with it. That I appreciated you caring for my feelings and that I no longer have that knot in my stomach yadda yadda. You seemed to appreciate it.

Today you cleared the history from your computer so maybe you're learning that I'm looking there? I did check your account and you were rather busy today. I decided to check out one of the videos you viewed today (that and to bring your minutes down).

Got kids?

We have been kind of trying to get pregnant for about two years. I've dicussed it with my Dr. and finally a test has advised that I have PCOS. Which means that I don't ovulate on my own. (and luckily enough to gain weight and have a nice acne problem - those are other discussions)

To help me ovulate I have to take these pills which are huge and I really have trouble taking pills. But to help us concieve I take the pills (up to 4 a day). The only problem is that on the 3 likely days that I could be ovulating we need to have sex. And those first 2 months or so that I first starting taking the pills we either a) never had sex for whatever reason b) had sex but ended with you not ejaculating inside me (you prefer the hand jobs to finish up with). I stopped taking the pills! Why take them? I'm doing my part to help with this situation and you have to do your part.

One of your friends came into town this week who has recently had a baby. You told them you had never held a baby before so his mother made you hold the baby. And when you came home you told me that it made you realize that you wanted a baby and we needed to do whatever we needed to do to make this happen.

We had a nice little discussion. I told you, again, that I potentially have 3 days that I can get pregnant. I kind of know in advance based on my periods but won't know "for sure" unless I do a test. So it was decided that I would mark on a calendar the potential days and then make another mark when I was for sure. I told him that I was a little cautious about "telling" him of "the" day because I didn't want him to be thinking of this and not able to perform. He told me he didn't know how he would react so we'll have to just see how this works. I also mentioned that on these 3 days he has to c^m inside me - no hand jobs.

I don't know how successful we're gonna be. I talked to another lady who also had PCOS and she said to just go straight to the fertility medicines which increase your chances of getting pregnant. I've looked into this and most insurances don't help with these procedures and its about $1200 for just ONE treatment. Yeah like we have that type of money just lying around.

You made a funny

As we were running around yesterday we were trying to decide what to do that evening. You mentioned just lying around naked all night and maybe having a little sex and maybe recording it. I proclaimed that you have never wanted to keep such records and you said yeah, you were just teasing.

But I decided to kind of run with it.
Me: But if we had a video then you could view it anytime I'm not at home and you got bored (I was kind of hinting towards I know that you only look at porn when I'm not at home)
You: I'm not allowed to look at porn.
Me: Oh, and are you actually following that rule?
You: My committment to you and our marriage won't allow me to do it. I don't agree with it but I'm not allowed. (or something like that)

Yeah right, I know that you looked at it the other day - granted not a lot but you still looked so I guess you're not as committed as you say to my face.

OH! And I keep getting wiser and wiser to how you do things. I've been wondering for a very long time how you access your porn page as I don't see it from a google search or from the URL address drop down list. I knew you had to have it saved somewhere for easier access and I was right. Made it appear as something normal but something that would really not interest me in the event I was on your computer. You only have one link from this saved location but its a great page that goes off to all other pages. Nice.

I've thought about moving the link to another one of your folders to see if you can find it. Are you going to ask me about it?

And I've finally come to the conclusion that anal is your porn of choice so I've also thought about changing your current favorite to an all male anal porn. Just funny. I think so anyway.

Or maybe I could just change the name of the link, how do these sound:

"forbidden page"
"Free Sex"
"While the wife is away, I can play"

Oh I could keep going...

another day

Turning off the PC thing didn't last long. I really haven't been checking much either. I did finally look Wednesday night at your special account and on your computer in anticipation of Thursday afternoon. I knew I was going to be working late so wanted to get a feel of where things were before then.

Of course you couldn't resist being home alone but you didn't go into your special account. You did find some nice free stuff and it doesn't appear you did too much searching. The one video you found must have been good enough.

I even tried to mess with you Thursday night and you kind of seemed put off. I guess its kind of hard to c^m twice now? Maybe I'm not as good as they are? Ah - who knows?

Doesn't that contradict?

We were watching a movie the other night and this guy shows up to work to find everyone gathered around a computer and watching a live porn cam. Come to find out it was the guys girlfriend and he had no clue. He called her and she picked up the phone, while still on cam, and he asked her about it. She made kind of a funny comment, "what's wrong with it, I'm sure you've watched other sites before..."

I asked you "what would you do if you found out I had a cam?"
You: "Your things would be packed and out on the street."
Me: Why?
You: Because that's cheating.
Me: Why? Its not like I know who's watching.
You: It's still cheating. There's no discussion you would be out.

Hmmmm... funny. Its okay for you to watch other girls do basically the same thing. As long as they are someone elses wife, girlfriend or daughter. Just as long as its not me. I see how that's fair.

Oh! And I love the new electricity concious you have become. Deciding to turn off your PC at the end of the day to save a few bucks? Will be kind of hard for me to actually see what you've done for the day, but I still have access to your account (not busy today by those standards). Of course I'm sure there will be one day that you'll forget...

I figured it out

It didn't take me long actually to figure out how you purchased those extra minutes. You decided to use the card that goes to our savings account since we don't really check that because well we don't use it for purchases. Very smart way to "hide" it. Won't be too smart when we're doing bills and one day I click on it and find it....

I'm getting good at looking around your site that you have these minutes on. I can see all the titles that you watch and how long you've watched them. I've also figured out how to search by these title names and find the actual video and description of what's included. I figured I would watch every now and then and see if you notice your minutes slowly going away. I'm sure you won't. And I'm watching one of the last movies you would have recently watched so it probably won't pull up any different. Besides if you do notice the minutes dissappearing what are you gonna do? Ask me? :-)

Oh and I guess you did decided to take a little bit of what I asked into consideration. Started looking for some free stuff. I've come to the conclusion that you like the younger girls. I guess I'm just too old for you now. I've gained a little weight and I guess I'm just not as sexy as you would like me to be anymore. Thanks that makes me feel real good.

I think I'll go find myself some free stuff. And I'll accidently leave it on my task bar like you have one there now.

Not long at all.

I figured that you would last at least a month since our talk but I should have known better. You actually lasted a little more than a week. I guess you had to use up what little minutes you had left in your account. Brought yourself down to 1 minute remaining.

You are working a night shift now so plenty of unspoiled uninterrupted time during the day while I'm at work. And I guess these past two days you have been taking FULL advantage. Although I guess the 1 minute wasn't good enough. I just checked and you have 97 f^cking minutes left to use!!! WTF???

I checked your bank statement - not seeing it there. I also noticed there were videos viewed on Friday. I don't remember did you come home early on that day or did you purchase and view when you were out with your friend?

Maybe you got smart and bought a gift card from a store and that's how you purchased. I guess smart on your part. I'll never actually "see" the charge on your bank statement. And of course no toilet paper wads left in the waste basket.

I kind of figured the anal I gave to you would have been "dirty" enough for you... but I guess not. You just can't resist the temptation. Boy I love you.

We'll see

About two weeks ago we worked on our bills. We decided we wanted to narrow down how much we were spending on items so we each printed out our bank statements and went through each line item naming them. Such as entertainment, personal, gas, groceries etc. When I got to the website that I know prints for the minutes you pay I asked how you wanted to name this one in such a way that told you "I knew what it was for". Then I also mentioned you needed to start finding the free stuff so I wouldn't know.

Then one day last week I came home to find another wad of toilet paper in the trash can so I knew you had been busy. I was depressed all night, you even asked what was wrong. Then the next day you stayed home sick. I knew that you had viewed again since you might as well take advantage of me not being there. Again you asked what was wrong with me.

I asked, "what do you like in your girlfriends that you don't like in me?" We had a small discussion about this. I mentioned that as far as I knew you have been doing this for years but I just didn't know. I mentioned that since I know now it bugs me. Makes me wonder why you don't enjoy yourself with me as often as you do your girlfriends. I even brought up, again, wanting to get videos for both of us to enjoy. You finally basically told me that did not interest you. Basically it is a self enjoyment thing. You asked if I wanted you to stop looking at it. I told you I could ask you to stop till I was blue in the face but obviosly that will never happen (as mentioned before I've flat out asked MANY times before).

We had another discussion and you mentioned that you can never masturbate again. I told him I never said that. So I guess you only associate porn with masturbation. I told you that of course I occansionally masturbate but when I do I'm thinking of you - which is true! I don't need to think of others or watch porn.

But anyway you haven't viewed since our discussion. I assume it will happen again after a few months or so but maybe you will be more discreet than you have been the past month or so. And I did bring up the toilet paper wads so maybe you'll flush them now instead of throwing them away for me to see them.

We'll see. However I do take the words, "Love, Honor and Cherish" seriously.

Wow!

You trully amaze me. I checked your "viewing minutes" before I left for an errand yesterday and you had 3 minutes left. Now you have 23. I know you can only buy in certain increments so you did a bit of viewing yesterday.

This bugs me so much that I woke up last night and couldn't get back to sleep cause I just kept thinking about you looking at this stuff. Plus I found the wad of cum filled toilet paper so I KNEW you definitely enjoyed yourself while I was away. I even asked for sex last night, granted it was a little late, and you said no because it was a little late.

Then I kind of thought about it this morning. Basically - you're cheating on me. You're out having sex with all these other women and not me. You have probably pleasured yourself with all of these other women more times this month than you have with me.

what do I do?

A few years back I accidently ran upon a few porn sites my hubby was viewing. Seriously it was an accident. He walked in as I accidently found them. I told him that this of course bothered me. (and yes men it is because us women think you're thinking of these other women because you feel we're inadequate and all that other jazz) He promised me he would never do it again.

A couple times since then I have actually snooped to see if he was still viewing, of course he was. I brought it up once and of course he denied it.

Well recently I've discovered he's doing it again. He has great opportunity when he gets home before I do from work. Or say on a day he stays home from work sick. It's not like I haven't offered to purchase some videos that we can view together. Or try new things during sex to help with those fantasies and stuff. What more can I do?

So my question... why do men insist on watching this stuff? Really, do we not satisfy you enough?

Any men who pass by let me know. Are you in a relationship? Does your partner know? Have they caught you before and you told them you would stop but still did it anyway?

Women? Have you caught your partner? Did you confront them? What'd they say? As far as you know, are they still looking?

Hello

Although I have another blog this one is my private blog. You know the blog that I'm able to actually speak about what I really want to speak about. I won't tell my friends about it so if necessary I can talk about things and not worry about what they think.

This is probably going to be more of a bitch blog. What type of bitching you might ask? Trying to have a baby, if I really want one. Sex. Porn (of course not me hubby). Drinking (again not me).

So here is where I'll come to bitch when I get the capability to do so.