As I mentioned in an earlier post I have PCOS. A few of their side effects is acne and gaining weight and I was graced with getting both. Granted there is a nice long list of other things but with my already tarnished self image because hubby is looking at porn these two things don't help me.
I've got an appointment to see a dermatologist to help with the acne. And I've been working out to help shed some pounds. Starting to watch all my fat content in the things I eat. Its starting to get that I don't want to eat or eat very little. I want to find one of those quick diet pills. Looking into body rubs that help tighten the skin.
I am getting older so I should know that (and I do) I don't look like I'm in my 20's anymore. But again with hubby using key word searches on a daily basis for "young babes" it doesn't comfort me any.
Friday, August 22, 2008
kinda funny
It's kind of funny... but its not.
You got a virus on your computer. You said it was when you were trying to download a Batman/Joker wallpaper.
I think its karma for looking at all that porn.
You got a virus on your computer. You said it was when you were trying to download a Batman/Joker wallpaper.
I think its karma for looking at all that porn.
out tonight
It's funny. You keep saying that you're gonna stop going out with your friends, especially one in particular, to have a beer. Reason? Because you can't just have one.
And I know this to not be true. You and I went out last night for a wonderful dinner and you had only ONE. You just choose not to stop and continue until the next thing you know you're trashed.
You wonder why I just laugh and roll my eyes when you say you're not drinking anymore or that you're going out with your friends but you're only gonna have a couple... well I do this because you haven't proven yourself true to your word... When you do this I will be grateful.
Not that you drink all the time like you used to but its just that when you do you go all out.
And since you're out with your friend now having a couple of brews we will not go out and do our other passion - watch a movie. I've told you before that if you go out on a Friday night to drink then we do not also go out to watch a movie. Its one or the other.
And I know this to not be true. You and I went out last night for a wonderful dinner and you had only ONE. You just choose not to stop and continue until the next thing you know you're trashed.
You wonder why I just laugh and roll my eyes when you say you're not drinking anymore or that you're going out with your friends but you're only gonna have a couple... well I do this because you haven't proven yourself true to your word... When you do this I will be grateful.
Not that you drink all the time like you used to but its just that when you do you go all out.
And since you're out with your friend now having a couple of brews we will not go out and do our other passion - watch a movie. I've told you before that if you go out on a Friday night to drink then we do not also go out to watch a movie. Its one or the other.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
Giggle
I giggled to myself all day today. When I decided to use up some of your minutes last night I didn't realize how much I used up. I guess I was really into the video I was watching.
I kept thinking to myself all day "I wonder if you notice your minutes are missing?" And if you do there is no way in hell that you will confront me about it will you? I mean that would mean you having to confess that you lie to me... still watching porno and that you purchased it...
You are getting a little smarter since that note I gave you. You're starting to clear your history on your computer. You've done it two days in a row now. It will be a little harder to keep up and maybe that will be better for me. You're addicted to porn and I'm addicted to finding out if you have looked at it, what you looked at and how much.
Since you cleaned out your history today I don't know what else you looked at but I can tell that you looked at about 17 minutes of your paid stuff. You're down to about 10 minutes left so what will you do then? Are you going to risk buying more minutes or will you just let that lapse?
I kept thinking to myself all day "I wonder if you notice your minutes are missing?" And if you do there is no way in hell that you will confront me about it will you? I mean that would mean you having to confess that you lie to me... still watching porno and that you purchased it...
You are getting a little smarter since that note I gave you. You're starting to clear your history on your computer. You've done it two days in a row now. It will be a little harder to keep up and maybe that will be better for me. You're addicted to porn and I'm addicted to finding out if you have looked at it, what you looked at and how much.
Since you cleaned out your history today I don't know what else you looked at but I can tell that you looked at about 17 minutes of your paid stuff. You're down to about 10 minutes left so what will you do then? Are you going to risk buying more minutes or will you just let that lapse?
Tuesday, August 19, 2008
What an amazing man
We had our discussion about committment on Saturday and not two days later (Monday) you're back at it. Just amazing!
Last night I wrote you a letter and left it on your computer for this morning about how I appreciated what you said on Saturday that it meant alot to me even though I know that you don't agree with it. That I appreciated you caring for my feelings and that I no longer have that knot in my stomach yadda yadda. You seemed to appreciate it.
Today you cleared the history from your computer so maybe you're learning that I'm looking there? I did check your account and you were rather busy today. I decided to check out one of the videos you viewed today (that and to bring your minutes down).
Last night I wrote you a letter and left it on your computer for this morning about how I appreciated what you said on Saturday that it meant alot to me even though I know that you don't agree with it. That I appreciated you caring for my feelings and that I no longer have that knot in my stomach yadda yadda. You seemed to appreciate it.
Today you cleared the history from your computer so maybe you're learning that I'm looking there? I did check your account and you were rather busy today. I decided to check out one of the videos you viewed today (that and to bring your minutes down).
Sunday, August 17, 2008
Got kids?
We have been kind of trying to get pregnant for about two years. I've dicussed it with my Dr. and finally a test has advised that I have PCOS. Which means that I don't ovulate on my own. (and luckily enough to gain weight and have a nice acne problem - those are other discussions)
To help me ovulate I have to take these pills which are huge and I really have trouble taking pills. But to help us concieve I take the pills (up to 4 a day). The only problem is that on the 3 likely days that I could be ovulating we need to have sex. And those first 2 months or so that I first starting taking the pills we either a) never had sex for whatever reason b) had sex but ended with you not ejaculating inside me (you prefer the hand jobs to finish up with). I stopped taking the pills! Why take them? I'm doing my part to help with this situation and you have to do your part.
One of your friends came into town this week who has recently had a baby. You told them you had never held a baby before so his mother made you hold the baby. And when you came home you told me that it made you realize that you wanted a baby and we needed to do whatever we needed to do to make this happen.
We had a nice little discussion. I told you, again, that I potentially have 3 days that I can get pregnant. I kind of know in advance based on my periods but won't know "for sure" unless I do a test. So it was decided that I would mark on a calendar the potential days and then make another mark when I was for sure. I told him that I was a little cautious about "telling" him of "the" day because I didn't want him to be thinking of this and not able to perform. He told me he didn't know how he would react so we'll have to just see how this works. I also mentioned that on these 3 days he has to c^m inside me - no hand jobs.
I don't know how successful we're gonna be. I talked to another lady who also had PCOS and she said to just go straight to the fertility medicines which increase your chances of getting pregnant. I've looked into this and most insurances don't help with these procedures and its about $1200 for just ONE treatment. Yeah like we have that type of money just lying around.
To help me ovulate I have to take these pills which are huge and I really have trouble taking pills. But to help us concieve I take the pills (up to 4 a day). The only problem is that on the 3 likely days that I could be ovulating we need to have sex. And those first 2 months or so that I first starting taking the pills we either a) never had sex for whatever reason b) had sex but ended with you not ejaculating inside me (you prefer the hand jobs to finish up with). I stopped taking the pills! Why take them? I'm doing my part to help with this situation and you have to do your part.
One of your friends came into town this week who has recently had a baby. You told them you had never held a baby before so his mother made you hold the baby. And when you came home you told me that it made you realize that you wanted a baby and we needed to do whatever we needed to do to make this happen.
We had a nice little discussion. I told you, again, that I potentially have 3 days that I can get pregnant. I kind of know in advance based on my periods but won't know "for sure" unless I do a test. So it was decided that I would mark on a calendar the potential days and then make another mark when I was for sure. I told him that I was a little cautious about "telling" him of "the" day because I didn't want him to be thinking of this and not able to perform. He told me he didn't know how he would react so we'll have to just see how this works. I also mentioned that on these 3 days he has to c^m inside me - no hand jobs.
I don't know how successful we're gonna be. I talked to another lady who also had PCOS and she said to just go straight to the fertility medicines which increase your chances of getting pregnant. I've looked into this and most insurances don't help with these procedures and its about $1200 for just ONE treatment. Yeah like we have that type of money just lying around.
You made a funny
As we were running around yesterday we were trying to decide what to do that evening. You mentioned just lying around naked all night and maybe having a little sex and maybe recording it. I proclaimed that you have never wanted to keep such records and you said yeah, you were just teasing.
But I decided to kind of run with it.
Me: But if we had a video then you could view it anytime I'm not at home and you got bored (I was kind of hinting towards I know that you only look at porn when I'm not at home)
You: I'm not allowed to look at porn.
Me: Oh, and are you actually following that rule?
You: My committment to you and our marriage won't allow me to do it. I don't agree with it but I'm not allowed. (or something like that)
Yeah right, I know that you looked at it the other day - granted not a lot but you still looked so I guess you're not as committed as you say to my face.
OH! And I keep getting wiser and wiser to how you do things. I've been wondering for a very long time how you access your porn page as I don't see it from a google search or from the URL address drop down list. I knew you had to have it saved somewhere for easier access and I was right. Made it appear as something normal but something that would really not interest me in the event I was on your computer. You only have one link from this saved location but its a great page that goes off to all other pages. Nice.
I've thought about moving the link to another one of your folders to see if you can find it. Are you going to ask me about it?
And I've finally come to the conclusion that anal is your porn of choice so I've also thought about changing your current favorite to an all male anal porn. Just funny. I think so anyway.
Or maybe I could just change the name of the link, how do these sound:
"forbidden page"
"Free Sex"
"While the wife is away, I can play"
Oh I could keep going...
But I decided to kind of run with it.
Me: But if we had a video then you could view it anytime I'm not at home and you got bored (I was kind of hinting towards I know that you only look at porn when I'm not at home)
You: I'm not allowed to look at porn.
Me: Oh, and are you actually following that rule?
You: My committment to you and our marriage won't allow me to do it. I don't agree with it but I'm not allowed. (or something like that)
Yeah right, I know that you looked at it the other day - granted not a lot but you still looked so I guess you're not as committed as you say to my face.
OH! And I keep getting wiser and wiser to how you do things. I've been wondering for a very long time how you access your porn page as I don't see it from a google search or from the URL address drop down list. I knew you had to have it saved somewhere for easier access and I was right. Made it appear as something normal but something that would really not interest me in the event I was on your computer. You only have one link from this saved location but its a great page that goes off to all other pages. Nice.
I've thought about moving the link to another one of your folders to see if you can find it. Are you going to ask me about it?
And I've finally come to the conclusion that anal is your porn of choice so I've also thought about changing your current favorite to an all male anal porn. Just funny. I think so anyway.
Or maybe I could just change the name of the link, how do these sound:
"forbidden page"
"Free Sex"
"While the wife is away, I can play"
Oh I could keep going...
Friday, August 15, 2008
another day
Turning off the PC thing didn't last long. I really haven't been checking much either. I did finally look Wednesday night at your special account and on your computer in anticipation of Thursday afternoon. I knew I was going to be working late so wanted to get a feel of where things were before then.
Of course you couldn't resist being home alone but you didn't go into your special account. You did find some nice free stuff and it doesn't appear you did too much searching. The one video you found must have been good enough.
I even tried to mess with you Thursday night and you kind of seemed put off. I guess its kind of hard to c^m twice now? Maybe I'm not as good as they are? Ah - who knows?
Of course you couldn't resist being home alone but you didn't go into your special account. You did find some nice free stuff and it doesn't appear you did too much searching. The one video you found must have been good enough.
I even tried to mess with you Thursday night and you kind of seemed put off. I guess its kind of hard to c^m twice now? Maybe I'm not as good as they are? Ah - who knows?
Monday, August 4, 2008
Doesn't that contradict?
We were watching a movie the other night and this guy shows up to work to find everyone gathered around a computer and watching a live porn cam. Come to find out it was the guys girlfriend and he had no clue. He called her and she picked up the phone, while still on cam, and he asked her about it. She made kind of a funny comment, "what's wrong with it, I'm sure you've watched other sites before..."
I asked you "what would you do if you found out I had a cam?"
You: "Your things would be packed and out on the street."
Me: Why?
You: Because that's cheating.
Me: Why? Its not like I know who's watching.
You: It's still cheating. There's no discussion you would be out.
Hmmmm... funny. Its okay for you to watch other girls do basically the same thing. As long as they are someone elses wife, girlfriend or daughter. Just as long as its not me. I see how that's fair.
Oh! And I love the new electricity concious you have become. Deciding to turn off your PC at the end of the day to save a few bucks? Will be kind of hard for me to actually see what you've done for the day, but I still have access to your account (not busy today by those standards). Of course I'm sure there will be one day that you'll forget...
I asked you "what would you do if you found out I had a cam?"
You: "Your things would be packed and out on the street."
Me: Why?
You: Because that's cheating.
Me: Why? Its not like I know who's watching.
You: It's still cheating. There's no discussion you would be out.
Hmmmm... funny. Its okay for you to watch other girls do basically the same thing. As long as they are someone elses wife, girlfriend or daughter. Just as long as its not me. I see how that's fair.
Oh! And I love the new electricity concious you have become. Deciding to turn off your PC at the end of the day to save a few bucks? Will be kind of hard for me to actually see what you've done for the day, but I still have access to your account (not busy today by those standards). Of course I'm sure there will be one day that you'll forget...
Sunday, August 3, 2008
I figured it out
It didn't take me long actually to figure out how you purchased those extra minutes. You decided to use the card that goes to our savings account since we don't really check that because well we don't use it for purchases. Very smart way to "hide" it. Won't be too smart when we're doing bills and one day I click on it and find it....
I'm getting good at looking around your site that you have these minutes on. I can see all the titles that you watch and how long you've watched them. I've also figured out how to search by these title names and find the actual video and description of what's included. I figured I would watch every now and then and see if you notice your minutes slowly going away. I'm sure you won't. And I'm watching one of the last movies you would have recently watched so it probably won't pull up any different. Besides if you do notice the minutes dissappearing what are you gonna do? Ask me? :-)
Oh and I guess you did decided to take a little bit of what I asked into consideration. Started looking for some free stuff. I've come to the conclusion that you like the younger girls. I guess I'm just too old for you now. I've gained a little weight and I guess I'm just not as sexy as you would like me to be anymore. Thanks that makes me feel real good.
I think I'll go find myself some free stuff. And I'll accidently leave it on my task bar like you have one there now.
I'm getting good at looking around your site that you have these minutes on. I can see all the titles that you watch and how long you've watched them. I've also figured out how to search by these title names and find the actual video and description of what's included. I figured I would watch every now and then and see if you notice your minutes slowly going away. I'm sure you won't. And I'm watching one of the last movies you would have recently watched so it probably won't pull up any different. Besides if you do notice the minutes dissappearing what are you gonna do? Ask me? :-)
Oh and I guess you did decided to take a little bit of what I asked into consideration. Started looking for some free stuff. I've come to the conclusion that you like the younger girls. I guess I'm just too old for you now. I've gained a little weight and I guess I'm just not as sexy as you would like me to be anymore. Thanks that makes me feel real good.
I think I'll go find myself some free stuff. And I'll accidently leave it on my task bar like you have one there now.
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