Will it actually last this time?

A month or so ago we had company staying with us. While you and I were out running some errands we were talking about joining a gym. I made a comment that would be cool then maybe we would have energy to have s*x more often, you agreed. Then I made a comment about when that happened you wouldn't need to visit your girlfriends anymore. You asked me when I thought the last time you had gone to one of those sites was and I mentioned a couple of weeks. The way I figured it - kind of hard to "sleep in" and check them out in the morning with company in the next room. Or to "come home early" again due to company.

I was a little shocked to find out that was untrue. You had managed to find a way. Should have known when you were working on your wireless on your laptop that you would try it that way. Of course as it always does I immediatly go into a funk at the discovery. And per normal you noticed and asked what was wrong. Usually I say nothing but this time I didn't.

I asked why you still look at that stuff. We had a bit of a conversation about it. You mentioned that obviously I don't approve and you'll no longer do it again. Of course I was thinking to myself "every time I bring this up I've never 'approved', that's why I bring it up!" Either you've gotten WAY better at hiding it or so far you have lived up to your promise. I'm finally starting to trust you in this matter again. I just hope it continues. :-)

uh huh, right

You know those allergies you have? I hope that its not that bad tonight since I used your pillow to dust off the entertainment center.

I know you've gone to visit your girlfriends a few times since our last conversation. Funny we were watching a few "to catch a predator" shows that gives unseen footage from when they actually aired. One of the guys that was of course caught kept saying "I don't know, I'm just bored". You said, "what kind of an excuse is that - I'm bored?" I kind of laughed to myself because you used the exact same excuse to me.

Mr. Bored, I hope you felt better after your little action from this morning before work and of course after I left. My hint that you did something? You move the curtains over in the bedroom to make sure I have left... MF.

Wow!

OMG! I think I'm pregnant!

I'm not currently on any medicine to help me get pregnant. I had gone to the Dr. recently to discuss this but was waiting for my period to start to do another required test before beginning something new.

About two days after my period was supposed to start I decided to take a pregnancy test. I always thought I would wait at least a week after my period was late because I'm not always consistent with the start date. But something was just a little different this time.

It came back positive for being pregnant!!! :-)

I went to hubby, who was watching tv:
me: um, we need to talk
you: did I do something?
me: um, yeah you did.... I'm pregnant (showed hubby test)
you: really?

It's still unbelievable. I haven't been to my Dr. yet to confirm but I'm taking prenatal medicine. We finally had sex since the announcement and of course hubby said afterwards, "this won't hurt the baby right?" :-) no.

Brought it up..... again.

We were having a discussion about next year and things we should be doing, kind of a New Years Resolution thing. I don't really believe in those though. You mentioned that I should join a class of some sort, anything that I was interested in. I didn't really offer much on the subject.

Then I finally decided to offer something. I looked at you and said, "can I tell you the truth?"
You: uh oh
Me: the reason why I'm never interested in joining any classes or extra curricular activity is because I worry that anytime I'm away from the house for any extended period of time that you're visiting your girlfriends. So anytime I'm gone you're looking at them.
You: I just get bored. - a bit of silence - okay, maybe I should work on this.
Me (thinking to myself) sure, I've heard that one before.

Interestingly though you were at home the other day sick from work. Of course I checked when I got home. I didn't see anything. Of course this could be a short time away from them. When you get "bored" again, I'm sure you'll be back.

You f^cker

F^ck You! F^ck You! F^ck You! F^ck You! F^ck You! F^ck You! F^ck You! F^ck You! F^CK YOU!!!!

You are a mother f^cker.

Since you are going into work a little later than me you had some spare time to spend with your girlfriends. We had sex 3 times week before - I even let you f^ck me in the *ss one of those times. And we had sex 2 times last week. I guess just not good enough.

I did kind of bring it up to you.
Me: "you left one of your girlfriends websites up on your computer" (are you really gonna try and call me a liar?)
You: "oh, you checking up on me?"
Me: "nope, you left it up on your computer. I watched it a little and then closed it for you."
You: "what did you think?"
Me: "uuuuummmmm... yeah..."

OH! And as I'm out having another Dr appt to figure out how I can possibly concieve our first child your at home spending even more time with the girlfriends. I almost made you come with me out of fear you would do that. Your just a f^cker.

Maybe there is hope?

I've been doing some research on PCOS and getting pregnant. I've gone one route already with Metformin but that didn't pan out. I've read that Clomid is another really good option. And then I found out the other day of another real good possibility - it's called Femara. Evidently this is VERY new, so much so that everything I find about it talks about how its used for Breast Cancer. But I've talked to two ladies who have taken it and got pregnant immediately. That sounds so promising. I have an appointment with my OBGYN in early December so I will be bringing this up to her.

Go Figures

One day last week you got to come home early from work. For a few minutes while I was still at work I wondered.... will he? Then I thought, no we're doing good and he's not interested - really.

Well I was wrong. Granted you didn't do a lot of looking, but you did look. Thanks hubby - I love you.

We'll See

Well we had another try at it a couple of weeks ago. Of course I'll never waste my money on a pregnancy test until I've missed my period for about a week.

This is the first time in my life that I look forward to "that time of the month" cause I want to see if its not there.

How Nice

It seems that having your day shift back seems to have kept you away from your girlfriends. I hardly even check anymore and my stomach is no longer in knots just wondering what you are doing while I'm away. Let's hope this keeps up.

Last Day

Yesterday was your last day on your night assignment and now you are among the day working people again. I'm hoping that since you are no longer at home alone - bored - that the porn will stop. Of course now that you will little time to check it out you will take every opportunity that I'm gone for any extended period of time to take a look. You know - hair cuts, getting nails done etc.

I did again joke with you yesterday, "I guess this is the last day you will have alone with your girlfriends". Again you didn't find it funny.

I did check your History and its been cleared so I'm sure you did have a look one last time... hopefully it is the last time.

*sshole

Yep you are still an *sshole. I go out of town and I even joke about you staying away from your "girlfriends" and every day I was gone you went to visit them. I bet you couldn't wait till I stepped foot out the door so you could get on the computer. Even the last day before I came home you had a friend over and you had to kick him out of the house so you could have a little alone time before I got back. I'm sure when you called to see where I was it wasn't because you really cared it was because you wanted to know how much alone time you had.

You scold your best friend for being addicted to beer and his wife not liking it and telling him he needs to grow and change yet you can't? What a joke.

Karma

I call it karma. when you continue to look at the porn then I really don't feel bad when you have cramps in your legs and feet that keep you from sleeping. Sorry that's just kind of how I feel.

You did actually go about a week without looking. I even went about a week without checking up on you. Funny the day I decide to look is the day you actually looked. Huh.

And what did you look up? Strap On Galleries. You know, I would love to try different things in our relationship. I've even bought a couple of things and you don't like the idea. But yet you go look it up online. Granted I've never bought a strap on. I know damn well you would never let me f you with it but I know you really enjoy watching it.

nothing

That time of the month came where I determined I should be ovulating, I took the ovulating tests - just to be sure - and it never turned positive. I guess I skipped a month and now that's another full month gone for possibly being pregnant. Hubby keeps sprouting out names.

Failed!

Hubby has been really cute about this pregnancy thing. He keeps saying things like...

"How long before we know we're pregnant?"
"Sure is hard making a baby"
"Are we pregnant yet?"

He's even thinking up baby names. I think they're cute I just don't participate in the play. I guess I can't until I know for sure that we are pregnant and its a reality. I never played that game when I was little and all the girls did that.

And "lucky me" the cramps I was experiencing yesterday just reinforced that our 3 days in a row didn't work... I guess we'll have to try again!

3 days in a row! ! !

We've had discussions about getting pregnant. I've told you that there is only one time during each month that I'm capable of potentially conceiving. And I take an ovulation test to know for sure when it is. And if it shows positive we have 2-3 days that we need to have sex - AND you have to c^m inside me...

Well that time came and I was curious if you remembered what I had said. I mentioned I was positive and we needed to have sex for the next 3 days - Fri/Sat/Sun. Friday night I went to bed cause I was tired and you were up on your computer. I thought to myself "well I guess he's not that interested in trying for a kid". To my surprise when he came to bed he wanted to have sex.

I'd have to say that the sex we had those 3 nights in a row were really good. I guess maybe I felt it was a little different because it was kind of for a different purpose. You seemed to really enjoy it and take a little more time and pleasure with it. Or maybe its just me.

Anyway, I won't know yet for a few more weeks if it worked or not. I won't even try to take a test unless I'm a week late on period.

Still!

After 3 days of sex you have to go for the extra stuff. Immediately the Monday and Tuesday your looking at it. I mean come on... you just got laid 3 days in a row and you still have to go view the extra porn? I just don't get it.

I've done it

I've purchased my first wieght loss gimmack. I guess I'll see how it works.

As for the dermatologist? Since we're trying to conceive he is unable to give me a pill that can help from the inside out so I can only use prescribed cleaning wash and after wash gel.

blech

As I mentioned in an earlier post I have PCOS. A few of their side effects is acne and gaining weight and I was graced with getting both. Granted there is a nice long list of other things but with my already tarnished self image because hubby is looking at porn these two things don't help me.

I've got an appointment to see a dermatologist to help with the acne. And I've been working out to help shed some pounds. Starting to watch all my fat content in the things I eat. Its starting to get that I don't want to eat or eat very little. I want to find one of those quick diet pills. Looking into body rubs that help tighten the skin.

I am getting older so I should know that (and I do) I don't look like I'm in my 20's anymore. But again with hubby using key word searches on a daily basis for "young babes" it doesn't comfort me any.

kinda funny

It's kind of funny... but its not.

You got a virus on your computer. You said it was when you were trying to download a Batman/Joker wallpaper.

I think its karma for looking at all that porn.

out tonight

It's funny. You keep saying that you're gonna stop going out with your friends, especially one in particular, to have a beer. Reason? Because you can't just have one.

And I know this to not be true. You and I went out last night for a wonderful dinner and you had only ONE. You just choose not to stop and continue until the next thing you know you're trashed.

You wonder why I just laugh and roll my eyes when you say you're not drinking anymore or that you're going out with your friends but you're only gonna have a couple... well I do this because you haven't proven yourself true to your word... When you do this I will be grateful.

Not that you drink all the time like you used to but its just that when you do you go all out.

And since you're out with your friend now having a couple of brews we will not go out and do our other passion - watch a movie. I've told you before that if you go out on a Friday night to drink then we do not also go out to watch a movie. Its one or the other.